This is on my blog today and I wanted to share with each of you. I would appreciate your thots.
Ms. Beatty you do not know me but I have followed the saga that has besieged your life this year. Let me first say that this is not a judgment letter or a hateful one. As a person who will spend a lifetime asking the Lord for forgiveness I am in no position to do either. When I saw you cry in court today I felt tears well up in my eyes and thought about all you have lost: your husband, your job and a potential career in law. I am sure that is only the tip of the iceburg of what you have really lost and I am sure words cannot measure what you have gone thru this year.
The truth is your story is not new, many women are in prison or facing prison today for protecting a man or lying for one and unfortunately many of these women are women of color. So not only are they guilty of the crime but they like you are guilty of loving someone who was not good for them. What is so amazing to me is how hard women love and what we risk to get love from a man. We take beatings, emotional abuse, believe lies, and sometimes make our children second all in the name of love. Yes we know what he did wrong in the last relationship but of course” she” did not treat him right, or did not understand him So in our mind we think we can do things better and those bad habits he had will go away because we know how to make him happy. And of course when that does not happen we don’t think the problem is with him we think the problem is with us so we do what we have to do to stop the abuse, the cheating and any other behavioral issue that he has. We say if I cook this, treat him to this, do this change that then he will love me enough to change and perhaps even love me enough to leave his wife, stop hitting me cheating on me etc...
I guess Ms. Beatty I know your story because I have lived it, so have some of my friends have lived it , and some are still living it. The question is how do we grow from these situations and not meet the same man in as Oprah says “in a different pair of pants” with the same issues. What we must do is live authentically and be true to our hearts and our sixth sense. The Bible says in Proberbs “Protect your heart for it is the well spring of life.” We must admit our mistakes and forgive ourselves not just for our sake but for other as well. As I have told other people when we behave badly in relationships we are not just hurting ourselves but we are teaching our children how to behave in relationships, thereby creating dysfunctional relationships that will last for generations.
It is my prayer Ms. Beatty that you are able to repair your life and that you are able to use this setback as an opportunity for a comeback. Whenever I become judgmental of others I always think of people who God used in the Bible: David, his adultery led to his mistress becoming pregnant which led David to have her husband killed. Yet the Bible records that David was a man after the Lords own heart. When Paul was Saul he killed Christians for a living , yet God chose him to preach the Gospel and Paul when on to write a great portion of the New Testament and preach to many. If God can use these men he can use you and he can use all of us. We can let our bad choices be lessons to our sons and daughters and hopefully raise a better generation.
Good luck my sista and I look forward to hearing about your success after this cloud has passed and believe me it will pass.
Ms. Beatty in court today: